A Letter to my Children

Dear Mikkael and Khalil,

As a child, I grew up reading fairy tales, Nancy Drew and some encyclopedia (I know, I don’t understand either). I always knew that Prince Charming marries the damsel in distress and they live happily ever after. The damsel is always being mistreated by some evil stepmother or evil stepsisters and is saved by the prince. Charlie’s Angels (if you don’t see the connection, they’re kind of Nancy Drew in that they solve mysteries) were always there to save the day and beat the bad guys up. This balanced my victim view and kindled a superhero feeling. I identify the victim, the superhero and the bad guys in my real life and behave as the author intended, that is, that someone should run and save the victims and beat up the bad guys to straighten them out or even kill them. If I feel I am the intended victim, I defend myself with all weapons I could find – my wit, sheer intelligence, my expertise in what I do, my sharp tongue or my pen – or find a champion, if I could find one, to be the superhero that would defend the oppressed. Growing up in a society where oppression comes in the form of wealth or power, mostly power, I found a venue that cultivated critical thinking and responded to oppression in revolutionary ways – taking things to the streets or writing some masterpiece like “Noli Me Tangere.” I hate any form of bloodbath or fiery confrontations so I usually opt for the written word. If someone else is the victim, I almost always feel obliged to offer some sort of help – a comforting word or unsolicited advice on what could be done.

Its effect is usually twice as lethal. The result is long-lasting, most of the time. Now that is not all media-influenced or university-influenced. A lot of it is genetic. Dad was a Catholic high school principal ever since I could remember. Mom was a public school teacher. Dad grew to having a second job serving the municipality I grew up in and Mom eventually a school principal as well. Dad’s motto was to serve the poor and the underprivileged although he did not say that in many words. He lived and breathed it. In his job, there were a lot of underprivileged and oppressed, both real and imagined. In Mom’s, there were the same. Mom’s motto was to never waste a moment.

In Dad’s school, there were a lot of poor students who could not always pay for tuition fees. Remember, this is the Philippines. High school (or college in New Zealand language) is not free. His job was to educate, not to make profits. As long as he made enough to pay the teachers and print the test papers, that was enough. He would let them take the tests and allow promissory notes. I saw that all the time. I knew generally who was displaying the latest material acquisition but could barely pay for their children’s education because of misguided priorities. Dad was great at lecturing parents or giving unsolicited advice on matters that he found twisted such as those. He is great at that. And that is where I got my lack of tact from. As a public servant, there would be people knocking on our door in the middle of the night asking for help in the form of transportation or financial assistance because someone’s child is very ill or for some aid of sorts. That’s where his salary from both jobs went.

Mom, on the other hand, juggled school work, raising four active boys and a very feisty girl, church and civic work and her orchid garden. Now I really hope you see a beautiful pattern here. We were not abandoned children at all. Lesson one : both parents have several passions. And by passion, I mean that with a similar intensity as the passion Josh displays when he screams at you, Mikkael, most of the time more intense. Lesson two : they walk their talk. They not only tell us, they show us. Lesson three : they live with a purpose – to help those in need and give more than they receive. Lesson four : they live every minute productively. Mom, even though, she’s now retired, is still actively pursuing money, fame and grandeur ☺. Dad, even in his almost-penniless retirement, is still supporting Mom in her pursuits, serving his community, sending you clothing which I could buy cheaper here and lecturing any lucky person he could find. Now don’t think all of that is selfless. They get paid for what they do, whether commensurate or not is another thing. They also get a huge amount of satisfaction from doing all of it. So they please their Maker, themselves and set a good example to those around them. Now it is our job to identify the lessons and learn from them.

There are more lessons I have learned but we will tackle them later on. For this particular chapter, let us focus on this lesson : Dada and Mommy chose to be big fish in small ponds (now this is relative). And by God, they made big waves. You really need to start choosing now. I have somehow not decided what to do. I am having a mid-life crisis of sorts. I do know that I must do something meaningful, like education or helping those in need like Mom and Dad are doing. You see, I don’t see much meaning in what I am doing yet but like I said, I am in a crisis. I may not see it but there’s probably some meaning in it. And in finding your choice, you are never too young to start now.

I know you don’t like these lectures I give because they tend to be long-winding and judgmental and sermon-like, hence writing this. But I really hope you take the time to read it. Now, later, choose your time. I am telling you this because I have been so lucky to learn all of these. I want you to have the same luck. You will be luckier if you actually apply them.

So until the next lessons.

Love,

Mama