Music

As the lyrics to Carpe Diem by Aldebert rush forth, the speed of my hands on the folding and dishwashing also accelerates. Even when the Disc jumped on to I’ll Make Love To You. Yes, music has always been inspirational. It has taken me to all sorts of moods and all highs and lows. It could provoke a torrent of sobs or a laughing hysteria. It takes me to romantic interludes and high school parties, even the forgotten face of a lover. I believe this can take me back to myself, that part of me which has been lost. It seems I jumped on to a stage which I am not ready for, simply because I skipped something in between. Looking closer, it’s missing the part where I backpack before I get married and have children. I had children first, got married and did not exactly backpack. I started backpacking to Ifugao, though, and got interrupted. I have to continue that before I go back to having children and then getting married. Only then can I feel that I have followed the cycle of life. This I need to resolve, otherwise I will never lose that feeling of missing something. Who knows what else I will find along the way – my missing mission, my missing self….

Holy Thursday

April the 1st. I have a paunch, confused thoughts, disappointment with self. All these reflected in an unsmiling face, indecision, blabbering, back-stabbing. Rather an ugly picture. It is only a stage but what a dreadful stage to be in. Stuck with cyber-stuff : Facebook, Yahoo, Gmail, Flickr, etc. No human contact, reminiscing old friends but there are really no friends here. The only saving grace is the kids. They are growing and breatheing, and they are my raison d'etre. I should never forget that.

I go to Post-Grad school in a few months, part of the steps in my search for my Personal Legend. I thought this could lead to teaching, a balanced life and giving back what I have received. It's not always written in stone, right? It could change, right? I could make my own choices without fear and worry that I've made a grave mistake, right? I know I swore I won't teach like Ma and Da but looking back, it is a noble profession. Although it could be a sad fate, that is, teaching Hospitality. But on further introspection, I do love doing it. I probably love it better than if I had ended up looking into oral cavities for life. I will never know, though. But does that mean I am giving anything back, though, or doing anything meaningful? Will I be really?

If I am paying for it, I might as well do it well. But keep that hotel job for the sake of the benefits. Not much of a work of Art but a very honest one.