Day 1

I read this book several years ago, The Path by Laurie Beth Jones. In restrospect, I thought I wasn't ready. Several books and several years later, I read it again and still think I am not ready. I start with the first few chapters and end up falling asleep. My long weeks of long hours at work have taken its toll. I end up more confused than ever. One minute I think I would take up a Bachelor's Degree in Psychology, the next minute I think I should take up Linguistics. And I continue to slog in hours in the luxury hotel where I manage the Club.

I went into a quota course in the country's premier state university with dreams of having an MD after my name. Really, it was my mother's dream. I didn't know what my dream was. I spent about a year and a half in the pre-Dental program and ended up cross-enrolling in the main campus taking up Spanish and Italian. And I finished a Bachelor's in Tourism since then. That's how I became a hotelier.

The hotel business is an exciting and dynamic industry. No two days are ever the same and managing people from all walks of life and from different cultures is quite challenging. This was not the challenge I had in mind, though, when I went into university. But then again, I've lost sight of what I really wanted. Simply because I thought my youth would be there forever and that I will always have time to pursue my dreams. I don't know if I am the only person in this planet with this dilemma.

I know that each human being has a role to play in the universe but I don't know what mine is. I am not even sure I am good at anything. I have a few things I can do here and there but I am never happy with my abilities, I always think I am mediocre. Don't get me wrong, I finished top of my class in high school - hardly mediocre by some people's standards. But going into that tough university filled with the country's creme de la creme, you think you are some deluded loser pretending to belong.

But I never belonged anywhere - not in the small town I called home, not in the big university I earned my degree from nor in the new country I now live in. I probably never will.

But I will continue searching for my place and for my mission......this is just the beginning of actively seeking it.