Still Day 1

This is how a confused mind thinks. It's past midnight and I just finished my first blog. I am thinking of getting a Big Mac just because I see a friend's name on Facebook who's had a combo earlier. Not really a good way to start the Sunday. Thank heavens, ma voiture est en panne (my car is not working). These blogs will be filled with a mixture of languages I know which could be grammatically correct or which could not be. The kids are at a friend's for a sleepover. What's left for me to do? I could watch that French movie again but I don't think I have the energy to listen to and to understand what the actors are saying. Or I could read that book further but I'm not really in the mood. Which reminds me that I still have a row of books on my shelf that need to be read. They have accumulated for the past few months but my moods have been at extreme highs and lows and a high would merit reading and finishing one.

Which means there have been more lows that I had to resort to re-reading the Twilight saga in so short a time. Another proof of a lot of lows. This pattern seems to occur every few years or so manifested in different ways. It could be in the form of binge eating, binge reading, obsessive behaviors such as photography, looking up Robert Pattinson's biography (a recent one, it was Shahrukh Khan once) and just taking up any course that catches my fancy (Travel Writing being one of the most recent). Again, I figure this is an attempt at finding my life's mission.

I keep thinking having pictures on my wall would help me. Or even an action plan - the same kind you make for work (strategic and short-term). But they are always only good on paper. Implementing them has always been hard. Doing a picture plan didn't do me any good either. I just ended up losing interest because my painting skills left a lot to be desired.

I have always had illusions and delusions of grandeur. I thought my mission would be something like changing the world - hence the attempt at being an online volunteer for the United Nations. I had a rude awakening when I discovered I could not even volunteer for one job because all I knew was how to make a training plan for new Front Office staff and how to meet the boss's expectations (which is a major struggle). Nothing meaningful like creating a suburban city plan nor a school curriculum. I ended up just being a global parent which required nothing but $25.00 a month, a feat any average Jane could do. Again, another proof of my delusional tendencies.

Looks like this will take a lot of work and time....