It's been over a year since I started looking for my mission again and I've lost my focus. Yet I learned a lot of things along the way. I'm not in a rush. It's just beneath my nose, I guess. And a friend once said something about overanalyzing, expecting too much of one's self. Yes, I do both. The good thing is, I am taking things slowly, allowing time to absorb my surroundings, my current state and living in the moment.

I have learned the basics of tango nuevo, have started hitting the gym, can lift 7 kilos at Body Pump, can bake a good chocolate cake and carrot cake, get thanks from the boys for the meal they just had, got Mikkael to get up a bit earlier for school, saw him through his A's in Physics and Chem, and Josh learning to stand up for himself. Plus a lot of other things.

The year has not been wasted at all. I've gone through a few books and have a renewed zeal for life. I have also found someone interesting, a miracle.

My writing has taken a turn for the worse but constantly stimulating these neural pathways will correct that. I just have to keep myself focused. Yes, focus is my dilemma as always. Because I want to have my cake and eat it, because I get greedy, because I want to be superwoman.

The good thing, I can genuinely smile at adversities - at a superior who has not seen kindness, at circumstances that are less-than-ideal, I have found my missing fortitude. Yes, there is light at the end of this tunnel, the sun does smile behind the dark clouds.

I have my Savior to thank for this, my Intercessor, the Source of my strength, the Source of my breath....