Looking But Not Touching

Every morning between 2 and 3 o'clock, something wakes me up and keeps me up until I need to take a shower and go to work. This has stopped me from going to the gym because I am worried I will faint if I pushed my body too hard. Putting this on paper makes me think, though, that this is possibly because I have been missing my gym trips and my body is looking for that adrenalin rush. This has nothing to do with anyone thinking about me and waking me up.

I have been overanalyzing this going-on with a guy at work. I decided I liked him and thought would want to get to know him better. I saw him once walking hand in hand with a girl but that somehow did not deter me from wanting to get to know him better. I analyze every scenario of moments with him and put meanings into things said and done. In the end, it could just be my overactive imagination because nothing is happening at all or he is just a committed man which I admire.

I compare what he says to what he does. Take for example his declaration that he is vegetarian and I saw him order a big steak tonight. The egg at the cafeteria the other day gave him away but I just needed more proof. Stepping back again and analyzing his little gestures makes me think, though, that he is as lost as I am. Maybe moreso. I will probably never know that and will always wonder. My good friend advised me to ask him out. Probably not in a million years, not even after 5 glasses of bubbles. And it is probably something I am not too keen to learn about. And it's not fear of rejection (although maybe it is). It could be fear of disappointment. Here's one man that does not intimidate me too much but I really admire. He is good at what he does but I see a few chinks in the armor. Then again, I will never find that white knight I guess. I dunno, I dunno. That is why looking and not touching is way better. That is why window-shopping is more fun sometimes.

My restless thoughts, my restless mind, please settle down.....